I don't blog often, but when I do...

 I wanted to post this on Facebook, but couldn't because I don't like to offend people. I don't really think politics is a good online discussion in the first place...but somehow a blog feels safer. 

This election in Canada has stirred up a ridiculous amount of discussion. I think it's great that discussion is being had, but I wish that people weren't misinformed. And truly? I wish that I didn't hear some of my Facebook friends' opinions. And that's not to say I haven't learned a TON from my online friends because I have and I took a lot of that information into consideration. It changed my vote even. 

What makes me ill is the twisted rights and beliefs some people think all Canadians should value and hold dear to their heart. It makes me embarrassed that people simply say, "Well, I'm this religion so I vote this party" without even looking up those political parties actual current viewpoints. It makes me terribly sad that people forget that politicians are human beings. 

Here's what I can tell you about my thoughts, beliefs, and ideas:

-I voted for a different party this time than last. As a human, I've grown and changed; I'm not too big to accept that. We are not America. We don't have to standby a single party because we registered with them (and yes I realize you can change there too). 

-I am a Canadian...a Canadian from BC. I value culture. I value my freedom of religion. I value the choices others are able to make. I value peace. I value art. I value sport. I value education. I value our ability to choose. Our ability to freely vote. 

I think those are the two biggest important factors that weigh in on my own political viewpoints. But here are a few more thoughts:

I am a Christian. I live for Jesus. I pray everyday. I'm a horrible sinner. I am not perfect. I fall on my face daily. I am saved by grace...by the love of a Saviour. Jesus came to this earth and commanded us to love. That's it. And I deeply take that to heart and let that role influence my everyday life. Jesus hated the actions of the rule-abiding cray-crays if you recall. He flipped their tables over and got mad. Remember? I feel like he'd do that today too. Like "Why are you people all crazy about all these rules? Did I tell you to ban homosexuality? Outlaw abortion? Blow up the bad guys?" If he did, my Bible is missing those pages. Because what I got is that we need to love. All those people. A lot. 

What I see is a lot of passionate people who love their Jesus and think their actions are reflective of Him. I get it. I totally do. I'm not judging you (or at least I try not to...see above about falling flat on my face). As a Christian, instead of making a whole election about abortion, can't we let that be? Isn't that for God to judge? Instead of focusing so diligently on a practice you personally disagree with, can't you focus on the person behind the abortion? The hurt, the pain, the loneliness? Banning abortion won't take away those feelings. They'll make them worse and they still won't know the love of Jesus. 

Instead of focusing on the Niqab...why don't you focus on the person behind the Niqab? If that decision to wear that comes from a place of despair, fear, and a terrible past...banning it will only send that woman into hiding. If she chooses to wear a Niqab because that is her belief, then why can't she? She is a human with a valid belief process because it is her own. You need to love her...as she is. Banning the Niqab won't help her find Jesus. But being her friend, listening to her heart, and connecting on a human level? Maybe she'll see Jesus in you. 

I could continue for hours. I'm not better than you. I'm not entirely verbal with my love of Jesus to people I know don't know Him. I get embarrassed. I sin. I fail. I find words easier to write than speak because that's where I'm comfortable, even though I should step out of my comfort zone more often. I don't entirely know what I'm trying to say in this political turned religion thought stream. 

I guess what I'm hinting at is that I value genuinely. And freedom. So yes...I voted for a party that allows things to happen that maybe as a Christian I shouldn't "agree" with. I voted for a party that at its core will likely tax the richer to give to the poorer (but even I have a hard time believing that there will be drastic change...because it's not like one person rapidly makes decisions in Canadian parliament). Why is that wrong? I voted for someone who showed me that they want a Canada that let's me love and be loved according to what I believe. And for that matter...what you believe (no matter who "you" are). 

What makes me sad is the people who don't see it this way I guess. But you know what? I'm thankful we live in a Canada where we can both have our own opinions. And that we can still be friends. And that maybe we can even talk politics without becoming enemies. 

To end this rather long rant, I'd like to share a few more random thoughts floating. 

-Harper didn't have political experience when he became PM. Actually, both Mulcair and Trudeau have more experience than he did. JT is only 3 years younger than Harper was ten years ago.

-Who cares who your father is? Does he raise you and influence you? Yep. Are you your father? Nope. I'm not anyways. We can hold completely different value systems as parent and child. I think every parent hopes their child takes their positive traits and then becomes their own person. Or at least I do. 

-Our political system moves like a snail. Change is slow. It's not like there's going to be drastic overnight change. 

-Why is it better to be old? That doesn't make you good at anything. Let's compare this to teaching. I know some amazing, inspiring, brilliant "old" teachers...teachers who take their experience, blend that with change, and share this. They are amazing teachers. I also know some "old" teachers who are not...amazing. They refuse to change, don't keep up, and are grumpy about life in general. Not amazing. Experience? Tons, yep. Let's keep going. I know some young teachers who are idiots. They don't get it. They won't last. They fizzle. Quickly. I know some new teachers who are brilliant. I learn every time they speak. They get it. They understand intuitively. Experience? Not really. Barely any sometimes. Does it matter? Nope. So there you go. Experience does not always mean better...nor does inexperience always mean less. 

So those are my thoughts. I'm all for change. Shaking it up. Will there be bumps and moments of regret? Definitely. Moments of greatness? I think so. But that's with any government. That's with anything in life. 

So if you're still reading - let's stay together. As Christians. As friends. As family. As Canadians. 

End Rant.

Insomniac Mind...A Spiritual World

"And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we’ll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels." Ephesians 6: 10-12 - The Message

I don't much about the spiritual world except to say that it exists. This has been on my mind repetitively lately and I stumbled across this verse from Ephesians in an online app yesterday. It's played over and over in my head - you see, lately I've had this horrible insomnia. I can't sleep at night. Even when I'm tired or fake it, I just lie in bed thinking. And when you have nothing but darkness and your thoughts, your mind plays out various scenarios and thoughts patterns. Often at night, I just pray. For anyone and anything I can think of. But sometimes I just let my thoughts run free. And my mind has tended to go to the spiritual world lately. The realm above (?) us. Around us.

I think that the devil has done this thing to people...a trick that is like no other. It's where he draws his power. It's a quote from The Usual Suspects apparently on a quick Google search: "The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist." Yes.

And sometimes I think Christians forget this the most. Me included.

I don't know for certain. I haven't done theological research. I haven't taken classes or done any studying on this topic, except to let it play over and over in my mind. I'm a visual person though and when I think something through, I envision a battle with swords. I envision illness in our body the same way. There is this massive spiritual battle going around our bodies. I can feel it.

I see it in the little things everyday.

We haven't been to church for many weeks in a row now because of skating and dance commitments. This past Sunday, it was time! A free Sunday and to church we would go...my soul needed that spiritual charge. At 2 am Sunday morning? Francesca woke inconsolable with an earache which resulted in an emergency room visit. Bedtime for me ended up being 5 am, and despite regular insomnia, that's still too late for me to get to bed and get to church for 10. And so we stayed home. Again. Why 2 am? Why an emergency room visit when Francesca hadn't once complained of an earache in four days of sickness?

I know.

I'm working to be aware of this battle everyday. We're human and we fail (hello Jesus!). I just really think that being aware of this battle is so important and that sometimes in the everyday-ness of everyday, we forget that there is this ultimate battle going on. Way bigger than we know. Way bigger than the menial everyday things. This really is for keeps...a life or death battle to the finish. And I'm thankful to know which side I'm on.

Trust

"Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track." - Proverbs 3:5-6

That's my verse. You know - the one that has echoed through your whole life. It was my confirmation verse as a teenager, the first verse I memorized as a Christian, the verse that just seems to echo everywhere I go. I LOVE The Message translation of this verse. The reminder...don't try to figure out everything on your own.

Yish.

I am a control freak and I tend to like to know everything, do everything, have everything in my control. God likes to challenge me in this way. I had some cool things that I was going to get to do this week. Things I really, really wanted to do (cough, Canada Winter Games, cough)...that I had to withdraw from. I have some things coming up in April that I really, REALLY want to do...but don't think I'll be able to pull off. Because of this little wrench God has thrown into my life lately. Something 100% out of my control. Something I literally can't figure out, fix, or do anything about. Something that could be life changing, but really truly hopefully isn't.

So once more God echoes "trust Me" into my life. I know it's vague. It's that way on purpose. But if you could open your heart and send some prayers to Jesus for me...it'd be much appreciated. Because sometimes it's hard to trust...sometimes it's hard to remember that He's everywhere. Sometimes I just want to run away. Sometimes I don't want to trust.

But He just keeps on reminding me to trust him from the bottom of my heart. It's a work in progress. I'll take all the prayers I can get <3

Aware of My Need

There's a line in the latest Toby Mac (woot!) song that has seriously captivated my mind. It's so simple and yet at the same time has seriously just struck a chord with me. The line simply reads, "I've never been so aware of my need." This.

When I asked Jesus into my heart, I was 12. Almost 13. I remember the moment, the prayer, and the person who prayed with me. The moment was obviously captured deep inside my soul to remember forever, but I also remember not really thinking it was that big of a deal. I didn't really grasp the kind of decision I had made - I simply made a decision that felt right. As most teenagers do, I decided with my heart. I'm so grateful for that moment and that in that moment the Holy Spirit clearly had an overwhelming presence. God knew exactly what He was doing even when I didn't. At 12, I knew I needed Jesus in my life...even if I didn't understand why.

This isn't a testimony story though.

It's a story of how much in awe I am that as an almost 30 year old (yish!), as a mom of two, as a wife, as a mortgage-paying, "in control grown-up"...seventeen years after asking Jesus into my heart...I'm still in need of Jesus. And never in my entire life have I been more aware of that need. I'm not really sure why that's such a mind-boggling concept to me, but it is. I'm floored.

Maybe it's because I always thought grown-ups had it together. Maybe I thought that once you're a mom life is magical and makes sense. Maybe it's because Disney fairytales are embedded way too deep in my mind. Whatever the reason - I am absolutely floored that I can admit to needing Jesus more than ever before.

As I teenager, I was SO convinced that I was suffering the worst tribulations a teenager could suffer. Oh was I hard done by (*grins*) - clearly I needed Jesus to save me from my life. And that's not to undervalue what I felt as a teenager - because obviously those were legitimate feelings and I did need Jesus to save me from my life.

I guess I can't quite put into words yet exactly what I feel. It's simply an awe that despite my life being somewhat, kind of, maybe, sort of put together in a presentable (to the world) fashion...I still need Jesus. And not in my horrible, hard done by teenage sort of way. More of just in a humbling sort of, taken aback fashion...in a seventeen year relationship with my Saviour, it's now that I've never been more aware of that need for Him. I'm thankful I'm more in love with Jesus now than I have ever been...and excited to find out what this relationship looks like in seventeen more years. And then seventeen years after that...for eternity <3

Somewhere

I need somewhere for my thoughts. I find lately they get trapped in my head and I have no where to release them. I've always been much better at coherently expressing my thoughts through writing rather than the verbal word. Always. I stutter through the things I'm trying to express and lack the confidence and vocabulary verbally...but when I write, I feel a release - it helps me let go of the things I need to process.

It's been over a year since I last blogged. I needed to step away to separate myself, to sort myself, and come back to myself. And in that time, I've made choices I wouldn't have blogged about, made choices I've never thought I'd make, and let those choices and decisions reform who I am inside. Choices that have brought me back to my Creator...that helped me fall back in love with my Saviour - the Saviour who has patiently waited for me to acknowledge Him. It's what I've referred to as my everyday calling...because hindsight I see how indeed he did call to me everyday...through people, moments, and life. In those times, I chose not to respond. He so clearly called and I so clearly chose to ignore those callings.

But He never gave up. He kept calling, kept calling, kept calling...and waiting. Patiently. And then all of a sudden - in His time - I was just so passionately filled with Him. His love, his freedom, his forgiveness...I responded to his everyday calling. I'm sure God sighed, rolled his eyes a little bit (yep - I believe my God has a sense of humour), and said, "Finally."

And so here I am. This is my everyday calling - to fall in love everyday with the Saviour who set me free. I needed somewhere to process these thoughts and take the time to release these thoughts out into the universe. I'm inviting you to listen, to read along, and share your journey too. I know I should journal more often than I do...but I don't. I never take that time, but for some strange reason, I take the time to blog. Some of the blogs will stay hidden from the world out there - some of the blogs are just for my heart, for my mind...but some, I'd like to share with you. Because maybe your journey mirrors mine. Maybe there are words that you need to hear. Maybe this is your everyday calling. Or maybe you'd just like to journey into my heart and brain and soul with me. I'm okay with that too.

"When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I’ll listen. When you come looking for me, you’ll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed...I’ll turn things around for you. I’ll bring you back from all the countries into which I drove you...bring you home to the place from which I sent you off into exile. You can count on it." - Jeremiah 29:12-14 (The Message)